Wedding finances/family rant

[TimeForGuinness]

Burn down the shed to send a message...the message of good financial stability.

[heyzeus]

We're going to try to take the advice of Beach and AD (which other friends and family we've talked to about us have told us too). We can suggest to him that he save money for the future, and he knows he should, but ultimately it's his life, his money, and his call.

In an ideal world, we all have plenty of money for our needs and wants, and parents and children are all independent financially. I know this won't always be the case, and there's no doubt my parents have offered support when it was needed. I don't want to have to worry about supporting more than my own brood, but if the time comes, I'm there for them no questions asked.

My rant is more like: my wife makes a fairly small state salary, and she's been saving for her retirement on it for a few years whenever she can put money away. We just wish our father could too.

[Freed Roger]

your right...but the opposite is also true. I can't tell you how it sickens me to see senior citizens still supporting their 30 something year old children who still live with them. In my opinion this is even more ridiculous

this is a tangent, we could have a good rant on this. This is getting more and more common. I know several people where the parents are not financially set themselves, and their adult kids shamelessly glom off them. Bad as it is on the kids' part - some blame is on the parents for being enablers of the situation.

[thrill]

Instead of your wedding, I think you should have spent that money on starting a guest house building fund because he's probably going to need somewhere to live and if I'm you, I want a separate structure separating him from me.

[maddash]

He is who he is and there is no changing a senior citizen who is set in his ways.

You can't really change people. It's not really worth getting upset about either. Accept him for what he is and let it all roll off your back.

I don't understand this. If someone you love is making poor choices, I think you have an obligation to help (not force) them to change.

[M1IRONMIKE]

He is who he is and there is no changing a senior citizen who is set in his ways.

You can't really change people. It's not really worth getting upset about either. Accept him for what he is and let it all roll off your back.

I don't understand this. If someone you love is making poor choices, I think you have an obligation to help (not force) them to change.

Suggest alternatives...... yes.....brow beat them about it or try to make them feel bad or guilty for how they spend their money ...no

[heyzeus]

One of my new cousins is 30 and has never worked a job for more than a few weeks in his adult life. Last fall he moved back in with his mom, who had to retire because of health problems. I don't think he has any plans to pay a cent or, you know, work.

[M1IRONMIKE]

One of my new cousins is 30 and has never worked a job for more than a few weeks in his adult life. Last fall he moved back in with his mom, who had to retire because of health problems. I don't think he has any plans to pay a cent or, you know, work.

your cousin is the kind of people that need brow beaten and embarassed.

[Freed Roger]

one factor we may be overlooking - the parents are probably in debt (no equity in home) with credit cards etc.

So the parents may not have been able to charge a share of the wedding on credit (unless they use a credit card check-yikes) , but consumer goods like the shed they still can charge.

its a tough one, but I still say don't worry about the wedding angle -you wouldn't want people to incur a bunch of debt on account of your wedding. I'm pretty sure my in-laws borrowed a chunk for my wedding years ago - and I am ashamed that i let it happen.

but I don't think your wife would be out of line to let them know she is concerned about their financial situation -with no mention of the wedding side.

[KyCardinalFan]

How does your father-in-law's wife view the situation? Does your wife have a good relationship with her?

It seems like the wife should be more of the brow-beater and concerned than Mrs. heyzeus. I would think her future will be more impacted as well as their teenaged kids. Perhaps Mrs. heyzeus could speak with the wife and say, "I'm here for support if you'd like to speak with him on the issue." Perhaps they can team up and offer suggestions or a plan of action. Often a parent is ashamed of poor money management or willing to adopt a plan, but doesn't know where or how to start.