Wedding finances/family rant

[heyzeus]

This may be a little petty, but it's rants and that's allowed.

So, I got married last November. None of my wife's parents (they're divorced, her dad is remarried) had much money to contribute to the wedding. Not a huge deal, I went into savings to pay for it and my folks kicked in a good sum too. My father in law (famous for giving me a wooden cross last year for Christmas) wasn't sure if he could contribute anything. Then, just before the wedding, he gave us a thousand dollars that he was going to spend on a trip to a family reunion. He also had to have two surgeries. So I didn't mind that he couldn't give us any money. He had to sell off a beautiful red Triumph that he had personally restored just to pay his medical bills. Really it was fine.

But over the weekend we visited him, and he recently bought a Tuffshed ($2500) so that he could move all of his musical equipment and accumulated crap in there while he installs central heating and air conditioning, carpet, insulation, and a skylight in his other two-story shed, which will hold even more of his stuff. Clearly a few thousand dollars worth of work.

So maybe it's petty of me. But I'm kinda pissed that he could barely give anything to us for our wedding, but can afford to do this. Also it bothers my wife and I that he spends every dollar he makes on hobbies like this, even though he's getting older and into worse health and won't be able to do his job (house painter) forever, or even much longer.

[M1IRONMIKE]

This may be a little petty, but it's rants and that's allowed.

So, I got married last November. None of my wife's parents (they're divorced, her dad is remarried) had much money to contribute to the wedding. Not a huge deal, I went into savings to pay for it and my folks kicked in a good sum too. My father in law (famous for giving me a wooden cross last year for Christmas) wasn't sure if he could contribute anything. Then, just before the wedding, he gave us a thousand dollars that he was going to spend on a trip to a family reunion. He also had to have two surgeries. So I didn't mind that he couldn't give us any money. He had to sell off a beautiful red Triumph that he had personally restored just to pay his medical bills. Really it was fine.

But over the weekend we visited him, and he recently bought a Tuffshed ($2500) so that he could move all of his musical equipment and accumulated crap in there while he installs central heating and air conditioning, carpet, insulation, and a skylight in his other two-story shed, which will hold even more of his stuff. Clearly a few thousand dollars worth of work.

So maybe it's petty of me. But I'm kinda pissed that he could barely give anything to us for our wedding, but can afford to do this. Also it bothers my wife and I that he spends every dollar he makes on hobbies like this, even though he's getting older and into worse health and won't be able to do his job (house painter) forever, or even much longer.

Your right......it's pretty petty

[cardinalkarp]

I know how you feel. My wife parents didn't even get us a freaking card for our wedding!!

I'll still never forgive them for that. They did make the trip down from North Dakota which I appreciate (so I wasn't expecting them to give us money) but to come to the gift opening at my parents house and not even show up w/ a card is something I will never forget.

[heyzeus]

I've rethought this. It's not petty at all. So I take that back. We're worried about our father in law's future more than the wedding, which is payed for now anyway.

[Molly]

Also it bothers my wife and I that he spends every dollar he makes on hobbies like this, even though he's getting older and into worse health and won't be able to do his job (house painter) forever, or even much longer.

I'd be more pissed about this than the lack of wedding money. If he's self-employed & spending every dollar on hobbies it's a pretty good bet he's not putting anything toward retirement. How old is he?

[M1IRONMIKE]

This may be a little petty, but it's rants and that's allowed.

So, I got married last November. None of my wife's parents (they're divorced, her dad is remarried) had much money to contribute to the wedding. Not a huge deal, I went into savings to pay for it and my folks kicked in a good sum too. My father in law (famous for giving me a wooden cross last year for Christmas) wasn't sure if he could contribute anything. Then, just before the wedding, he gave us a thousand dollars that he was going to spend on a trip to a family reunion. He also had to have two surgeries. So I didn't mind that he couldn't give us any money. He had to sell off a beautiful red Triumph that he had personally restored just to pay his medical bills. Really it was fine.

But over the weekend we visited him, and he recently bought a Tuffshed ($2500) so that he could move all of his musical equipment and accumulated crap in there while he installs central heating and air conditioning, carpet, insulation, and a skylight in his other two-story shed, which will hold even more of his stuff. Clearly a few thousand dollars worth of work.

So maybe it's petty of me. But I'm kinda pissed that he could barely give anything to us for our wedding, but can afford to do this. Also it bothers my wife and I that he spends every dollar he makes on hobbies like this, even though he's getting older and into worse health and won't be able to do his job (house painter) forever, or even much longer.

Just so i am understanding this correctly. He has had 2 surgeries, had to sell his prized possession to pay off medical expenses, still ponies up 1000 dollars for your wedding and your stilled pissed because he had the audacity to spend some money on his own home where according to you he won't be alive long enough to enjoy? Maybe I was brought up on a different set of expectations but i think he went above and beyond in this matter for someone who clearly wants everything from him.

[heyzeus]

I'd be more pissed about this than the lack of wedding money. If he's self-employed & spending every dollar on hobbies it's a pretty good bet he's not putting anything toward retirement. How old is he?

That's the conversation we had with him - planning in any way for retirement. He says he knows he should be more responsible, but that things will work out as they should according to God's plan. This seems to be his justification for not saving any money as it comes in. He is self employed, so sometimes business is good (now), sometimes there is none at all, and sometimes he's physically unable to work. It's just scary, knowing that he is without a safety net at all.

[M1IRONMIKE]

This may be a little petty, but it's rants and that's allowed.

So, I got married last November. None of my wife's parents (they're divorced, her dad is remarried) had much money to contribute to the wedding. Not a huge deal, I went into savings to pay for it and my folks kicked in a good sum too. My father in law (famous for giving me a wooden cross last year for Christmas) wasn't sure if he could contribute anything. Then, just before the wedding, he gave us a thousand dollars that he was going to spend on a trip to a family reunion. He also had to have two surgeries. So I didn't mind that he couldn't give us any money. He had to sell off a beautiful red Triumph that he had personally restored just to pay his medical bills. Really it was fine.

But over the weekend we visited him, and he recently bought a Tuffshed ($2500) so that he could move all of his musical equipment and accumulated crap in there while he installs central heating and air conditioning, carpet, insulation, and a skylight in his other two-story shed, which will hold even more of his stuff. Clearly a few thousand dollars worth of work.

So maybe it's petty of me. But I'm kinda pissed that he could barely give anything to us for our wedding, but can afford to do this. Also it bothers my wife and I that he spends every dollar he makes on hobbies like this, even though he's getting older and into worse health and won't be able to do his job (house painter) forever, or even much longer.

Just so i am understanding this correctly. He has had 2 surgeries, had to sell his prized possession to pay off medical expenses, still ponies up 1000 dollars, in lieu of a family vacation, for your wedding and your stilled pissed because he had the audacity to spend some money on his own home where according to you he won't be alive long enough to enjoy? Maybe I was brought up on a different set of expectations but i think he went above and beyond in this matter for someone who clearly wants everything from him.

I have never understood children who think their parents owe them.....

[M1IRONMIKE]

[heyzeus]

This may be a little petty, but it's rants and that's allowed.

So, I got married last November. None of my wife's parents (they're divorced, her dad is remarried) had much money to contribute to the wedding. Not a huge deal, I went into savings to pay for it and my folks kicked in a good sum too. My father in law (famous for giving me a wooden cross last year for Christmas) wasn't sure if he could contribute anything. Then, just before the wedding, he gave us a thousand dollars that he was going to spend on a trip to a family reunion. He also had to have two surgeries. So I didn't mind that he couldn't give us any money. He had to sell off a beautiful red Triumph that he had personally restored just to pay his medical bills. Really it was fine.

But over the weekend we visited him, and he recently bought a Tuffshed ($2500) so that he could move all of his musical equipment and accumulated crap in there while he installs central heating and air conditioning, carpet, insulation, and a skylight in his other two-story shed, which will hold even more of his stuff. Clearly a few thousand dollars worth of work.

So maybe it's petty of me. But I'm kinda pissed that he could barely give anything to us for our wedding, but can afford to do this. Also it bothers my wife and I that he spends every dollar he makes on hobbies like this, even though he's getting older and into worse health and won't be able to do his job (house painter) forever, or even much longer.

Just so i am understanding this correctly. He has had 2 surgeries, had to sell his prized possession to pay off medical expenses, still ponies up 1000 dollars for your wedding and your stilled pissed because he had the audacity to spend some money on his own home where according to you he won't be alive long enough to enjoy? Maybe I was brought up on a different set of expectations but i think he went above and beyond in this matter for someone who clearly wants everything from him.

Well, for one, it's not his own home. It's a series of sheds to hold the junk that he acknowledges he needs to get rid of. We didn't want him to sell a vehicle to pay for any of our wedding, or for surgery. We'd prefer he save that money for the rainy day that all of us must face, rather than putting central heat and air in an outshed. For two, I didn't say he won't live long enough to enjoy his home, I said his health means he can't always work. But he doesn't plan to save any money for the time when he can't do physical labor anymore, which is fast approaching.

I take great offense that you imply I want "everything from him." My wife and I want a lot for him, including that he's able to live comfortably when he can't work, which to most people means saving some money when you can.