Introversion

[misterk]

Case in point. Years ago, I was at a coffee shop with my gf (at the time) and her parents, and they started talking about all these people from their home town. Well I had no idea who Fred Johnson was and not really that interested that his kid is going to Middlebury Elementary now, so I grabbed a book off the shelf that piqued my interest, and started thumbing through it. I got yelled at later because I wasn't being social, and being rude to her parents.

Is it really that rude to look at something else if you're not actively involved in a conversation? Personally, I was bored out of my mind by their conversation. I could have considered it rude of them to not include me in their conversation topic so that I could chat along, but I didn't really care. I could have started a side conversation with her dad or something, but that would be rude to remove him from the main conversation.

Besides, like I said, I hate small talk. To chat about the weather, etc. is extremely dull to me. I hate meeting new people because of this.

I consider that rude.

The best way to engage someone is to act interested in what they're saying. In fact, as odd as it sounds, the best way to come off as interesting to someone else is to get them talking about themselves.

People that hate small talk often hate it because they rarely feel like they have anything to say. So rather than being disinterested in the conversation and having nothing to say, act like you're interested and ask questions to keep them talking. If nothing else, you'll make a good impression on them.

I have to agree. That wasn't what I was talking about popeye - I'm talking about being stuck in a room/elevator/eating lunch next to a stranger whatever where they feel the need to break the silence when the silence is fine.

If your g/f's parents are talking about little Norman going to Lincoln Elementary you just unfortuntaely have to smile and shake your head like you care.


I just took that test and am an INTJ apparently. Very interesting that the first career choice it picked for me was exactly the career I am in.

Gotta agree with Richie and Jim. That is quite rude.

Nobody likes small talk but you have to have some way to break the ice. You can't be like:

Hey, good to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
So, pretty good game last night, huh?
Have you ever had an abortion?

Small talk is a necessary evil sometimes.

Ugh. Painful but true.

However, perhaps there is some middle ground between a conversation about weather and one's personal experiences with abortion.

I agree that Popeye was rude...then again, there are times when it's deserved. I guess it depends on how long the parents decided to have a conversation about something that pops was completely uninvolved in. If they moved from topic to topic over the course of a few hours that were all of private affairs, and popeye had tried to engage but couldn't get traction for some reason, well, then, pickup that damn book, Popeye. Their feelings be damned at this point, but beware the consequences.

[misterk]

And as anybody who despises small talk knows, the use of small talk is only a necessary evil to engage with the majority of people. There are plenty of other people who would happily piss on small talk all of the time, and, in my experience, they are often, although not always, the most interesting people to talk to. It can be a frustrating but effective way of weeding out idiots, although it often weeds out plenty of interesting people too.

[Magneto2.0]

I got ENTP

[Popeye_Card]

Case in point. Years ago, I was at a coffee shop with my gf (at the time) and her parents, and they started talking about all these people from their home town. Well I had no idea who Fred Johnson was and not really that interested that his kid is going to Middlebury Elementary now, so I grabbed a book off the shelf that piqued my interest, and started thumbing through it. I got yelled at later because I wasn't being social, and being rude to her parents.

Is it really that rude to look at something else if you're not actively involved in a conversation? Personally, I was bored out of my mind by their conversation. I could have considered it rude of them to not include me in their conversation topic so that I could chat along, but I didn't really care. I could have started a side conversation with her dad or something, but that would be rude to remove him from the main conversation.

Besides, like I said, I hate small talk. To chat about the weather, etc. is extremely dull to me. I hate meeting new people because of this.

I consider that rude.

The best way to engage someone is to act interested in what they're saying. In fact, as odd as it sounds, the best way to come off as interesting to someone else is to get them talking about themselves.

People that hate small talk often hate it because they rarely feel like they have anything to say. So rather than being disinterested in the conversation and having nothing to say, act like you're interested and ask questions to keep them talking. If nothing else, you'll make a good impression on them.

I have to agree. That wasn't what I was talking about popeye - I'm talking about being stuck in a room/elevator/eating lunch next to a stranger whatever where they feel the need to break the silence when the silence is fine.

If your g/f's parents are talking about little Norman going to Lincoln Elementary you just unfortuntaely have to smile and shake your head like you care.


I just took that test and am an INTJ apparently. Very interesting that the first career choice it picked for me was exactly the career I am in.

Gotta agree with Richie and Jim. That is quite rude.

Nobody likes small talk but you have to have some way to break the ice. You can't be like:

Hey, good to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
So, pretty good game last night, huh?
Have you ever had an abortion?

Small talk is a necessary evil sometimes.

Ugh. Painful but true.

However, perhaps there is some middle ground between a conversation about weather and one's personal experiences with abortion.

I agree that Popeye was rude...then again, there are times when it's deserved. I guess it depends on how long the parents decided to have a conversation about something that pops was completely uninvolved in. If they moved from topic to topic over the course of a few hours that were all of private affairs, and popeye had tried to engage but couldn't get traction for some reason, well, then, pickup that damn book, Popeye. Their feelings be damned at this point, but beware the consequences.

Some additional notes.

1.) We had been hanging out with her parents for 3-4 hours by this point. Many conversations I was involved in.
2.) It wasn't the first time I had met them.
3.) The conversation about people I didn't know had been going on for 5-10 minutes before I grabbed the book.
4.) Personally, I always make it a point that if I'm talking about people somebody doesn't know, I pause to tell them, "Bill Conners was my second grade teacher" so that they at least have a frame of reference. I was given none. I was pretty much being ignored by everyone.

Regardless, yes I should have sat there and taken it, but I didn't see it as a big deal of being anti-social because I grabbed the book. Also, that's not really what I meant by hating small-talk. Along those lines, I was meaning more like having to strike up conversations with random strangers you just meet about the weather, where they went to college, etc. Those conversations bore me. So I'm quiet around people I don't know, which some would say makes me an introvert.

[doe_boy]

I tend towards being an introvert. Which is interesting since, in my working life, I've been a waiter, bartender, customer service representative, and marketing/sales manager.

When I'm finished with work, I need a lot of down time.

I went to Vegas with some friends for my birthday a while back. We spent 4 days there and had a blast. But, I needed the rest of that week at home to get up the desire to be around people again.

[Radbird]

I'm naturally introverted, but that doesn't mean shy or withdrawn or uneasy with public speaking or the like. It just means I prefer to sit back and absorb a situation than thrust myself into the middle of the action. (probably didn't explain that very well).

Like if I was sitting in a bar and Chris Duncan walked in with his entourage. I would be content to just sit and observe his behavior and how other people react to his being there. I wouldn't go out of my way to stinkpalm him or anything.