Rant/poll: Am I outta line?

[stlouie_lipp]

Old people are retarded. My dad's in his mid 60's and there is only about two places left in town where he will eat because every other place has given him bad service once and he'll never eat there again. One time, when picking up a pizza, the counter guy made fun of our last name (very lightheartedly) and he'll never go to any Pizza Hut again.

I'm like this at 35...maybe that's why my friends joke that I'm really 65.

[JackofDiamonds]

I can't think of the last e-mail I read that was a mass mailing.

[Spider John]

What if you were to send your future in-laws an e-mail apologizing for your father sending them such material, and copying your dad when you do it. Maybe seeing his son having to apologize for his misbehavior will embarass him enough to where he will quit.

Old people are retarded. My dad's in his mid 60's and there is only about two places left in town where he will eat because every other place has given him bad service once and he'll never eat there again. One time, when picking up a pizza, the counter guy made fun of our last name (very lightheartedly) and he'll never go to any Pizza Hut again.

We may be brothers. My father looks for ways to be offended, and doesn't mind letting the store/restaurant know whenever something isn't the way he thinks it should be.

[Radbird]

Old people are retarded. My dad's in his mid 60's and there is only about two places left in town where he will eat because every other place has given him bad service once and he'll never eat there again. One time, when picking up a pizza, the counter guy made fun of our last name (very lightheartedly) and he'll never go to any Pizza Hut again.

But Beard is a cool last name.

I'm only 10 years or so away from your dad's age. It's hard to imagine that could be me. I still feel like I'm in my 20's on the inside. I guess we all age differently.

[tscards]

wow - a shutout in voting. I don't recall ever seeing that.

(now someone will vote the other, just to change it up... )

[KyCardinalFan]

But why let someone's stubbornness get in the way of a relationship... simply because we insist on treating people differently because of their age? I'm not saying all of those things like age and their standing in the family should be ignored, but they're still people. I guess it boils down to this - how differently should people be treated because of their age? Because, frankly, some of things we do "deal" with older people is extremely patronizing to them, even if we think we're doing the right thing.

I don't think people are treated differently "just because of their age". It's an evolution.

You grow up with your parent(s) or grandparent(s) and they're the world to you - they instruct you, help you, root for you, discipline you and set an example you try to emulate. They earn your respect. As you age, you become your own person with your own thoughts and experiences developed from the framework they built and you still admire them. Life goes on, times change, things that were acceptable are no longer in certain business or social situations. "But that's the way I've been doing it for 30+ years and it's always been fine. I've got to change because one or two people are offended?", thinks your mature family member. You talk to them, trying to get them to understand. Once, twice, three times. Sometimes they change, sometimes they just don't want to take correction from their kid; the one they helped raise. For some it's stubbornness, for some it's a feeling of attainment, maybe they don't see it as a widespread social problem as their child(ren) does/do, but just their little world. After a while, you give up pointing out every quirk/annoyance. Old dog/new tricks, you say. You have to choose your battles so you let the embarrassing social ones go because no one is getting hurt. Too set in their ways, you say. It's easier to justify their behavior as generational, because everyone understands it to be that way. You come to acceptance and let them truly become set in their ways. Then it can get too the point where you realize you don't have that much time left. Do you really want your conversations to be arguments over stuff that really doesn't matter? So you let them tell their jokes to you everytime you see them because you know you're someday going to miss it. And you shrug it off to others and say, "He's old. What're you gonna do?" And your younger peers nod in agreement.


Does this make sense? I often lost my train of thought. I wrote it amongst many interruptions from my kids - I treat them differently because of their age, too.

[heyzeus]

Update: After sending him my final email, telling him that this is his problem because people can get fired for receiving stuff like that and that my future mother in law wasn't asking for nudie forwards when she emailed him her flight information once, I heard no response. We didn't talk last night. Then this morning, there were 3 emails from him in my inbox - two about Rams football, and one with a cartoon from the paper. So, like nothing ever happened. This is my dad's way of saying "i'm sorry, everything's ok." Frustrating, but there it is.

[thrill]

Update: After sending him my final email, telling him that this is his problem because people can get fired for receiving stuff like that and that my future mother in law wasn't asking for nudie forwards when she emailed him her flight information once, I heard no response. We didn't talk last night. Then this morning, there were 3 emails from him in my inbox - two about Rams football, and one with a cartoon from the paper. So, like nothing ever happened. This is my dad's way of saying "i'm sorry, everything's ok." Frustrating, but there it is.

How can I get on your dad's mailing list?

[maddash]

Then it can get too the point where you realize you don't have that much time left. Do you really want your conversations to be arguments over stuff that really doesn't matter? So you let them tell their jokes to you everytime you see them because you know you're someday going to miss it. And you shrug it off to others and say, "He's old. What're you gonna do?" And your younger peers nod in agreement.

There are no easy answers, as each person and situation is different, but sometimes I think we can let our emotions push us towards that "don't have much time left" conclusion too soon. Like MrC's post about his grandparent - I didn't want to respond because I just didn't know enough to say anything, but 76 (or whatever his age is) really isn't that old, and assuming something like dementia hasn't set in, I'd say his grandparent was taking advantage of the situation, and diminishing his quality of life (and time here) through bad habits he could easily change. Now, I had a grandparent who passed away a while ago who's mental capacity was diminished, she was relatively young, I treated her in a certain way because of her state. I have a grandfather right now who is 93, still plays regular gigs with his band, has a girlfriend, is still pretty much all there mentally, still lives at his house... with his age, I know his time here isn't long, but I also know that he's still with it and if he starts doing something out of line, I would think he'd want me to treat him like a man and not a child. I think he deserves that. I think too often we start treating old people like Fine China we don't want to break, when really we should be maximizing the quality of time with them, not the quality. Again, each situation is different, like you and beach said, there are some battles worth fighting for and others that you just let slide. But if we're generalizing, I would say that I would error on fixing things to improve quality (even if it means a few months of rough patches), rather than letting things slide to increase the time the grandparent and you can stand being around each other.

I don't think anyone is right or wrong here though.

[tothebeach08]

[quote="maddash
There are no easy answers, as each person and situation is different, but sometimes I think we can let our emotions push us towards that "don't have much time left" conclusion too soon. Again, each situation is different, like you and beach said, there are some battles worth fighting for and others that you just let slide. But if we're generalizing, I would say that I would error on fixing things to improve quality (even if it means a few months of rough patches), rather than letting things slide to increase the time the grandparent and you can stand being around each other.

I don't think anyone is right or wrong here though.[/quote]

Your points are very well stated. I tend to be over emotional and sentimental, so what's right for me in my heart will not be for other people. I remember arguing with my Grandpa about some baseball topic that I knew I was right about. It was the most heated discussion we ever had and he didn't appreicate his sassy granddaughter knowing more about baseball then he did. He later admitted I was right, but I have always wished I had backed off. He would have figured out that I was right eventually anyway and I wouldn't regret that conversation to this day. So that's why I'm coming in on this topic where I am. Past experiences shape who we are today, regret sucks.