Rant: Southwest Airlines / Old People

[TimeForGuinness]

I hate Southwest Airlines. There, I said it. The main reason I hate Southwest Airlines is: old people. First of all (before they changed their boarding procedure), old people would get there 23 hours before their flight to Arizona or Florida or wherever warm and old...and they would just stand in line...for 23 hours. You know why? Because they're old and have no life. Second, I swear to GOD there are more wheelchairs in a Southwest Airline terminal (gives new meaning) than in a hospital or nursing home. Where do these people go? They can't even pee without help and they are flying...wonderful. Third, they carry on all their luggage...so even if you are in group A, you have no where to put your bags because Grandma Moses over there doesn't trust the airline with her bags...her life, yes...her bags, no. Fourth, since they've changed the boarding procedure from just a group of letters (A, B, C) to groups of number and letters (to prevent old people from getting in line 23 hours in advance), they've created mass hysteria and confusion. Old people barely could understand letters...now you are throwing numbers at them? Holy Disco Christ lady, it isn't that freakin' hard...stop asking everyone in line if you belong there. And don't line up in A10, when you are B10...they won't let you on early even if you're a moron. Lastly, old people should just get their own airline...let's call it SenAir (pronounced SENIOR). They can have the oxygen masks already deployed (for their convenience) and put on all the wheelchairs they want. It doesn't even have to be a nice airplane...it can be an old as hell prop-plane form WWII (which should bring back memories). Do you think anyone is going to miss 100 old people going down in a fiery ball of Depends? No...we save social security money, medicare money, and their family gets that inheritance they've always wanted. Problem solved.

[tothebeach08]

Dear TFG,

You're going to burn in hell.

Please save me a seat.

TTB

[heyzeus]

This may be the most evil and wonderful rant yet.

[Cronos]

I've used it pretty regularly for a good few years now, and on average a little less than once a month for the last half-year, and I've never noticed it being more or less older a population than any other flights I've ever used. In fact, I wouldn't mind having a few more senior citizens and a few less screaming children.

Southwest isn't great, but it's cheap enough that I can actually afford flying, so I like it well enough.

[KyCardinalFan]

Great rant - well composed and the frustration jumps from the screen. I chuckled at the following:

Third, they carry on all their luggage...so even if you are in group A, you have no where to put your bags because Grandma Moses over there doesn't trust the airline with her bags...her life, yes...her bags, no.

[JL21]

Do you think anyone is going to miss 100 old people going down in a fiery ball of Depends?

That stench would be terrible, though.

[G. Keenan]

This baby has legs.

[sighyoung]

Third, they carry on all their luggage...so even if you are in group A, you have no where to put your bags because Grandma Moses over there doesn't trust the airline with her bags...her life, yes...her bags, no.

I wouldn't check my colostomy bags, either.

[cardinalkarp]

I don't fly Southwest often but I agree the boarding procedure sucks.

The rant was done w/ such beauty though I had to be a part of it.

[TabascoElvis]

What's that scraping sound I hear?