Girls

[InvincibleCakeEater]

Pizzas....hamburgers....what if she's just in the mood for a hot dog?

Give it to her, just make sure to put it in a bun.

[phins]

I still don't understand Kyle. She has told you, more than once, that she just wants to be friends.

Whether you are interpreting her actions as meaning it has to be more, or what have you, she has already told you what she wants. Many times from the way I understand it.

It sounds to me like you're just having trouble accepting it, because you don't like it. If you truly feel like you have to go back to that well again, and let her know you like her - again, do it, but do it soon and have it resolved.

I hate to sit back on the interweb and watch people the same mistake over and over again, especially when I've made that same mistake myself, and I know exactly how he feels.

IMHO, you should try and meet a new girl. It's time to poo or get off the pot with this girl, no matter how hard you've fallen, sometimes you have to accept she just might not be into you no matter what you do.

[Bo Hart]

Well, I finally talked to her about it last night. After we got done hanging out, I explained how I felt about the situation; I suggested that simply talking about it with one another would help alleviate most, if not all of, the ambiguity.

I started by saying that hanging out pre-"break up" and post-"break up" were eerily similar, despite the fact that we had agreed to be just friends after it. I conceded that it could just be wishful thinking on my part, and asked her for some closure on the situation. Her response didn't really help much. She told me that this "wasn't a black and white issue," and so that she really didn't have an answer one way or the other.

She went on to reason that she "didn't want to be official," but that she still really enjoyed hanging out with me; she acknowledged the fact that us hanging out did feel more like dating than it did a fling, but that it wasn't necessarily what she wanted.

I think I'm going to hang out with her and compromise on a "fling" for two major reasons:
a) For starters, my good buddy isn't involved with this girl anymore. That was a major hangup from before, and was something I simply could not get over. The fact that he's out of the picture really changes things.

b) Had I told her I wasn't interested in the fling this time, we still probably would have hung out as friends. Quite frankly, hanging out with her as just simply a friend would be very difficult and uncomfortable.

On the ride home from her house, I had decided that I was just going to be content with "just friends." But because of the two reasons above coupled with G. Keenan's comment from the other thread ("Personally, I would keep going at it and then worry about the heartache later"), I'm led to believe I need to give this try. Maybe I'll regret doing this in the end, but at least I'll be content knowing I gave something new a try. Is it exactly what I want? No, it's not. But that doesn't mean I can't find enjoyment in it.

And by the way... I used to piss on my buddy's a lot about doing stupid things over girls. Never more. I have acted incredibly irrational over this one, so I think my right to do has been permanently revoked.

[Popeye_Card]

I don't get what her hang-up is with this "fling" business. I'd tell her, "Does it really matter what you wanted 3 months ago? A 'fling' vs. a relationship? You either like me and want to have some sort of relationship with me, or you don't. Isn't that more important than what you call our relationship?"

[wart57]

Well, I finally talked to her about it last night. After we got done hanging out, I explained how I felt about the situation; I suggested that simply talking about it with one another would help alleviate most, if not all of, the ambiguity.

I started by saying that hanging out pre-"break up" and post-"break up" were eerily similar, despite the fact that we had agreed to be just friends after it. I conceded that it could just be wishful thinking on my part, and asked her for some closure on the situation. Her response didn't really help much. She told me that this "wasn't a black and white issue," and so that she really didn't have an answer one way or the other.

She went on to reason that she "didn't want to be official," but that she still really enjoyed hanging out with me; she acknowledged the fact that us hanging out did feel more like dating than it did a fling, but that it wasn't necessarily what she wanted.

I think I'm going to hang out with her and compromise on a "fling" for two major reasons:
a) For starters, my good buddy isn't involved with this girl anymore. That was a major hangup from before, and was something I simply could not get over. The fact that he's out of the picture really changes things.

b) Had I told her I wasn't interested in the fling this time, we still probably would have hung out as friends. Quite frankly, hanging out with her as just simply a friend would be very difficult and uncomfortable.

On the ride home from her house, I had decided that I was just going to be content with "just friends." But because of the two reasons above coupled with G. Keenan's comment from the other thread ("Personally, I would keep going at it and then worry about the heartache later"), I'm led to believe I need to give this try. Maybe I'll regret doing this in the end, but at least I'll be content knowing I gave something new a try. Is it exactly what I want? No, it's not. But that doesn't mean I can't find enjoyment in it.

And by the way... I used to piss on my buddy's a lot about doing stupid things over girls. Never more. I have acted incredibly irrational over this one, so I think my right to do has been permanently revoked.

Do any sausages get hidden during this fling?

[haltz]

"Not a black and white issue" = needs a faux-boyfriend for just a little while longer. I'm sticking to my guns on this one.

[cardinalkarp]

"Not a black and white issue" = needs a faux-boyfriend for just a little while longer. I'm sticking to my guns on this one.

Yeah, that converstation didn't solve anything. Something ain't right!!

[phins]

Tell me Kyle, is this fulfilling for you? Are you getting what you want out of this relationship at all?

Sounds to me like you're still letting her have all the cards. It also seems like you're finding advice that you want to hear, and following that. If all you need is motivation, I'll root ya on and let the chips fall where they may, but if what you want is honesty and head's up or a warning sign for the heartache and danger ahead, consider that light flashing.

[Bo Hart]

Tell me Kyle, is this fulfilling for you? Are you getting what you want out of this relationship at all?

Sounds to me like you're still letting her have all the cards. It also seems like you're finding advice that you want to hear, and following that. If all you need is motivation, I'll root ya on and let the chips fall where they may, but if what you want is honesty and head's up or a warning sign for the heartache and danger ahead, consider that light flashing.

OK, let me establish something: when I was hanging out with her before, I didn't think we had a relationship. It was very relationship-esque, but she came in from the start telling me she didn't want anything more than a fling. As such, every time somebody asked me about the two of us, I would say there wasn't anything there.

With that out of the way... hanging out with her -- even though I know it seemed somewhat tainted -- has been more fun than any exclusive relationship I've been in during the past. Is this ideally what I want? Absolutely not. But at the same time, it's a far cry from being a burden. Am I getting something out of this? That's a no-brainer. This has been immensely enjoyable for me.

And with regards to the heartbreak... well, here's the way I look at it: if I stop pursuing her in any form, there will be guaranteed heartbreak. If I just accept things for what they're worth, maybe I can just find satisfaction in what's there. Why don't I just try and make the best of the situation at hand? I would rather regret giving something a try than regret not doing anything at all and wondering what it it could have been like. Is that really that unreasonable? Does she have me this brainwashed?

[lukethedrifter]

For some inexplicable reason I feel compelled to ask the difference between "hanging out" and being friends and a fling.