Breaking up or evicting a roomate

[docellis]

Is hard.

It is hard to use the right wording so that they will leave less angry.

If they are less angry then they will be less likely to hurt your stuff. Or take it.

But. If they aren't angry at all, they take a long time to leave.

Please share your anger/advice.

[dangerous]

I'd be careful like you are but subtly let him know you could throw his crap on the street and change the locks if pushed. I guess find out what his needs are and work out a cooperative agreement.

[haltz]

Are you really worried about your stuff? Does he not know this is coming? Is there a place for him to go and does he have money, or is he a bum?

[docellis]

Are you really worried about your stuff? Does he not know this is coming? Is there a place for him to go and does he have money, or is he a bum?

It is more about a balance.

It is not easy to keep my feelings to myself - but I know my physical possesions will be less affected if I stay vague.

He is in no danger - it is about the prod. The hey, what date are you leaving? Without causing anger. Hearing a date (to my experience) makes people feel like they are being thrown out and thus, they feel they can damage goods.

[haltz]

So it's done and you both know it's over, it's just about setting a date?

I would just talk to him about it. Say, "we need to figure out a timetable and I'd rather not draw it out, it's hard on me." Appeal to whatever decency he maybe has. Then go stay with a friend or relative for a few days to give him some space to get out. After he is gone, tell him that you don't want to talk to him. Then don't talk to him.

I've done stuff like this the hard way and it sucks. The easy way is up-front honest communication and then once there's some separation, no communication at all. Pretty simple, but hard to do.

[docellis]

This is what I have done.

I said that I will be there for exbf as long as he needs me emotionally.
I said that I will help with whatever he needs physically.

I said that I think that x $ amount per day is a good starting point (from the next month) if logistics are going to cause delays.

But no matter how I say things he acts like I am putting him out on the street and he gets angry and defensive.

The money issue is hard. I want to avoid hurting him in any way. But if he won't vacate seamlessly why do I have to hide my dating activity?

[haltz]

I said that I will be there for exbf as long as he needs me emotionally.
I said that I will help with whatever he needs physically.

You aren't exactly doing him a favor here. It's commendable to care about not hurting people, but that's the nature of breaking up and you are just making it worse. No wonder he won't leave.

Breaking up is about you. Having a relationship is about both of you, unless you are completely selfish regardless of the situation like I am. Do whatever is in your self-interest. He's not in the equation anymore.

[paskal]

I moved out. That made it easy.

[wart57]

My ex-wife and I had to live with eachother for about 4 months after the divorce for financial reasons. She wanted the divorce and was seeing a guy in Texas (we lived in Alabama) she was flying to Texas about once a month or so. It was very difficult to have to live with her, but it drove her nuts that I was going out with firends instead of staying home to keep her company. The best revenge was one night, I was asleep in the spare bedroom and she came walking in and crawled in to bed with me naked, and I kicked her naked ass out of my bed and locked the door. She was furious, and I was laughing my ass off. She finally got a new job in Texas and moved out about a month after that. The best advise I can give you, live your life, there is nothing you can do for that other person, it is up to them to move on.

[docellis]

I can't move out - I own the house. I would prefer moving out if all things were equal.