The Mommy Gene

[wart57]

Here is a tip for parents(or grandparents) when talking about your kid: Leave the words "percentile" and "level" out of the discussion. Nobody wants to hear how Junior is in the 95th percentile for height, or is reading the 4th grade level.

When your kids get to be 18 or so, that's when we want to hear the stories. Because that's when the cops are going to knock on your door at 2am with Junior in hancuffs. That we want to hear.

But my daughter is in the 99th percentile for height, and you don't want to hear about that? What are you, some kind of commie, bent on polluting out precious bodily fluids? I cannot allow a baby height percentile gap!!!!!

[jim]

Because that's when the cops are going to knock on your door at 2am with Junior in hancuffs. That we want to hear.

Why must you always bring up my warped high school years?

The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree. Actually that was an experience from my own kid. Women cop brought him home, and I stood there in the door talking to her about the evils of alcohol and underaged drinking for a good minute or more before I realized the only thing I was wearing was my underwear.

Now see, isn't that a more interesting story than my kids grades?

He has an interesting rash he's going into the university medical people to get checked out today. I'll fill you in on how that goes, that one might turn out to be fairly interesting too.

[thrill]

Because that's when the cops are going to knock on your door at 2am with Junior in hancuffs. That we want to hear.

Why must you always bring up my warped high school years?

The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree. Actually that was an experience from my own kid. Women cop brought him home, and I stood there in the door talking to her about the evils of alcohol and underaged drinking for a good minute or more before I realized the only thing I was wearing was my underwear.

Now see, isn't that a more interesting story than my kids grades?

He has an interesting rash he's going into the university medical people to get checked out today. I'll fill you in on how that goes, that one might turn out to be fairly interesting too.

These are my favorite parenting lectures. Hearing mom or dad tell me not to do something that they not only did, but would totally do again if they were in my shoes.

[heyzeus]

Because that's when the cops are going to knock on your door at 2am with Junior in hancuffs. That we want to hear.

Why must you always bring up my warped high school years?

He has an interesting rash he's going into the university medical people to get checked out today. I'll fill you in on how that goes, that one might turn out to be fairly interesting too.

I think it might be time for you to have "the talk" with him.

[M1IRONMIKE]

Because that's when the cops are going to knock on your door at 2am with Junior in hancuffs. That we want to hear.

Why must you always bring up my warped high school years?

He has an interesting rash he's going into the university medical people to get checked out today. I'll fill you in on how that goes, that one might turn out to be fairly interesting too.

I think it might be time for you to have "the talk" with him.

I am still waiting for my dad to have that talk with me!!!

[G. Keenan]

Because that's when the cops are going to knock on your door at 2am with Junior in hancuffs. That we want to hear.

Why must you always bring up my warped high school years?

He has an interesting rash he's going into the university medical people to get checked out today. I'll fill you in on how that goes, that one might turn out to be fairly interesting too.

I think it might be time for you to have "the talk" with him.

Which talk? The "birds and bees," or the more advanced, "how to tell if a girl has an STD just by looking at her?"

[M1IRONMIKE]

Because that's when the cops are going to knock on your door at 2am with Junior in hancuffs. That we want to hear.

Why must you always bring up my warped high school years?

He has an interesting rash he's going into the university medical people to get checked out today. I'll fill you in on how that goes, that one might turn out to be fairly interesting too.

I think it might be time for you to have "the talk" with him.

Which talk? The "birds and bees," or the more advanced, "how to tell if a girl has an STD just by looking at her?"

I've found that the ability to weed out the STD girls is severely hampered by alcohol consumption!!!

[jim]

Sorry to disappoint. The rash was Poison Ivy. The way he described it I thought it had potential.

[sighyoung]

Sorry to disappoint. The rash was Poison Ivy. The way he described it I thought it had potential.

Depends on the location of the rash.

I had a friend who didn't have any allergic reactions to poison ivy, and he demonstrated this to his girlfriend by rubbing it on his hands and arms.

Well, they're in the woods for a couple of hours, both forget about the poison ivy, and they make out.

A day later, the woman had to explain to her mom how she wound up with rash all over her chest.

[vinsanity]

The ones with really ugly kids are the worst.

--P--

I can't tell the difference until they are like 3. If I ever reproduce I'll probably lose my kid every few months.