Sexist rant: women

[G. Keenan]

Then again, that's another thing about women (we are in the rants forum, right?)... The amount of time and energy they expend over the talking about, planning, obsessiong over, preparing for, and yes, subliminally bragging about their wedding ceremony boggles the mind.

So my rant has shifted away from your roommate and onto your friend. but at least it still targets a woman!

Well that's part of my point. In the months leading up to a wedding it's pretty much the only thing a woman about to get married can talk about it. You just gotta hang in there and wait for them to return to normal.

My belief is that what my roommate is truthfully upset about is that she was not invited, but she won't say that. Instead she couches her disappointment in complaints about these other feau pas.

[cardsfansince82]

Well that's part of my point. In the months leading up to a wedding it's pretty much the only thing a woman about to get married can talk about it. You just gotta hang in there and wait for them to return to normal.

I don't have a lot of experience being around women preparing to get married but I would think she would realize it might be better not to discuss it around your roommate. "Hey you know that big life event I have coming up that I'm excluding you from? Let's talk about that." I dunno, I would think anyone you think highly enough to have lunch with semi-regularly/socialize with would get an invitation. And it probably wouldn't cost anything. They have enough room and food, etc. for 200 people but they will run out if 201 show up? Not to mention the inevitable no shows among the ones who were invited. It does seem a little out of line but I'm not the type of person who would be bothered by it. Obviously your roommate is different.

[G. Keenan]

Well that's part of my point. In the months leading up to a wedding it's pretty much the only thing a woman about to get married can talk about it. You just gotta hang in there and wait for them to return to normal.

I don't have a lot of experience being around women preparing to get married but I would think she would realize it might be better not to discuss it around your roommate. "Hey you know that big life event I have coming up that I'm excluding you from? Let's talk about that." I dunno, I would think anyone you think highly enough to have lunch with semi-regularly/socialize with would get an invitation. And it probably wouldn't cost anything. They have enough room and food, etc. for 200 people but they will run out if 201 show up? Not to mention the inevitable no shows among the ones who were invited. It does seem a little out of line but I'm not the type of person who would be bothered by it. Obviously your roommate is different.

I think you're right that wedding girl should have the tact to not talk about it around people who aren't invited, particularly ones she is more or less friends with. But I don't hold it against her because she is a very effusive personality, the kind who can't help herself when there's something she's excited about, and she loves the guy she's marrying very much and has been planning this whole thing herself.

As for the cost thing: I've never planned a wedding, but when it comes to inviting guests I imagine that you've just got to draw a line somewhere. Start adding people you meet in the planning months that follow the initial invites and the next thing you know you've got 20 extra people, not one, and that's gonna cost several hundred dollars that you might not have.

[haltz]

As for the cost thing: I've never planned a wedding, but when it comes to inviting guests I imagine that you've just got to draw a line somewhere. Start adding people you meet in the planning months that follow the initial invites and the next thing you know you've got 20 extra people, not one, and that's gonna cost several hundred dollars that you might not have.

I think that you pretty much have to invite people in tiers. Once the two people getting married agree on who stays and who goes, it's hard to invite NewFriend without inviting those seventeen other people that you painstakingly axed. How are you going to invite that girl you have lunch with sometimes if [insert relative or longterm friend or acquaintance] isn't coming?

I guess it kind of depends. There's a lot of over-quoting and under-quoting, I believe, that goes on by wedding planners and brides that are trying to save money, make money, account for shrinkage and no-shows, etc. I wouldn't care one way or the other, as someone involved in the wedding or the friend, but that's just me.

However, if I were that person I would either invite her or shutup about it. That's definitely the polite thing to do.

If we are making generalizations about females, I believe the lesson here is that it seems like they could more often resolve their problems by going directly to the person and figuring it out. I had two female roommates (three, if you count my other roommate's girlfriend) for a year and my eardrums took a beating whenever there was a problem between them. Or pretty much when they had a problem with anyone that wasn't me.

Every time the histrionic tirade would end by me saying, "if you have that big of a problem with them then you should either cut off your friendship/romantic relationship or you should tell them what's on your mind."

"Yeah, but ..."

"I'm not talking to you about this anymore."

[G. Keenan]

"if you have that big of a problem with them then you should either cut off your friendship/romantic relationship or you should tell them what's on your mind."

That's exactly what I said and what I have said many times in other circumstances. Unfortunately my roommate, while an awesome person, is very passive aggressive, and will almost never deal with something straight up like that.

[Simbagal23]

Most women get weird/emotional/illogical when it comes to weddings. I can say this, I'm a woman, I've witnessed it, many times. Your roommate wasn't invited, big deal. Your roommate may not get married for 5 more years....will she invite wedding gal??? Probably not. They may not be friends at that point....

It sounds like both of you are at the age where you'll be invited to many weddings over the next few years.....she should be glad NOT to be invited to one.

Enough said.

[Cronos]

If someone else expresses interest in coming, why not let them?

Because you can't afford for them to come.

If there are 200 guests, adding one more would probably raise costs by less than half a percent. Would that really break the bank?

Perhaps my male friends are unusual, but I have known them to get upset from small or even imaginary social slights. However instead of talking it out, they'd get in fights or become bitter. For example, some of my high school friends rented a house together for college and ended up hating each other because of incredibly dumb stuff like who ate the frozen burritos. When I talked to them about it, it was always understood that other people were being too dramatic and that they were simply being reasonable.

Good point. It's not that most men don't get upset about the same sorts of things, it's just that they show it differently, or emote less about it and that comes off as apathy(or bitterness or fisticuffs)

[Sausage_Gravy]

If someone else expresses interest in coming, why not let them?

Because you can't afford for them to come.

If there are 200 guests, adding one more would probably raise costs by less than half a percent. Would that really break the bank?

Perhaps my male friends are unusual, but I have known them to get upset from small or even imaginary social slights. However instead of talking it out, they'd get in fights or become bitter. For example, some of my high school friends rented a house together for college and ended up hating each other because of incredibly dumb stuff like who ate the frozen burritos. When I talked to them about it, it was always understood that other people were being too dramatic and that they were simply being reasonable.

In addition to whatever added cost there might be, there is also the fact that this girl and my roommate aren't close friends, never have been, and only within the last month and half began working in the vicinity of each other. Also, if she really feels like she's suffered some huge social insult she should tell this girl, rather than complain to me about it, but there is zero chance that will happen.

It seems that you are the same as your roommate. She is complaining to you about not being invited and you are complaining about her complaining. Why don't you just go directly to her and tell that you don't want to hear anymore about it and for her to tell the bride to be about her feelings?

And I bet that not ALL 200 people that are invited will show...why not just invite her?

[Dillagii]

I'm sorry, but women will find stuff to get upset about no matter what sometimes. My roommate is all offended that she didn't get invited to a friend's wedding. By friend I mean someone she knew from an MA program and would see at parties, hang out with occasionally, etc. I was a co-worker of this girl getting married for a year and we got to be good buds. I got invited. In any case, my roommate said that it's not that she didn't get invited that bothers her, but that she has to hear about all the wedding planning from this girl since they occasionally have lunch together as they work in the same neighborhood.

Wedding girl told me she feels bad to not have invited my roommate, but that she and her fiance don't have a lot of money to spend, and have already invited 200 people. By the time they began lunching together the guest list was pretty much set I think. Why this bothers my roommate so much is beyond me, but she perceives it as some giant breach of common decency that wedding friend hasn't invited her but still talks about the plans. To me it falls under the category of BFD. Am I wrong here?

whats BFD?

[Sausage_Gravy]

I'm sorry, but women will find stuff to get upset about no matter what sometimes. My roommate is all offended that she didn't get invited to a friend's wedding. By friend I mean someone she knew from an MA program and would see at parties, hang out with occasionally, etc. I was a co-worker of this girl getting married for a year and we got to be good buds. I got invited. In any case, my roommate said that it's not that she didn't get invited that bothers her, but that she has to hear about all the wedding planning from this girl since they occasionally have lunch together as they work in the same neighborhood.

Wedding girl told me she feels bad to not have invited my roommate, but that she and her fiance don't have a lot of money to spend, and have already invited 200 people. By the time they began lunching together the guest list was pretty much set I think. Why this bothers my roommate so much is beyond me, but she perceives it as some giant breach of common decency that wedding friend hasn't invited her but still talks about the plans. To me it falls under the category of BFD. Am I wrong here?

whats BFD?

I am thinking it means.. Big Freakin Deal