Rave: The Onion

[pioneer98]

Good Night Sweet Prince: Beloved Baseball Monster Mr. Met Dies at 10,000

The world became a little less joyful today. Major League Baseball officials announced this morning that beloved baseball monster Mr. Met, best known as the mascot for the New York Mets baseball team, has died. The sleepless, baseball-headed beast was 10,000 years old.

Mr. Met’s body was discovered by a groundskeeper at the Mets’ home stadium, Citi Field, who found Mr. Met slumped over motionless in the back of a supply closet. The groundskeeper immediately called the paramedics, who pronounced Mr. Met dead at the scene. Police have confirmed that Mr. Met was alone in the stadium when he died, and no foul play is suspected.

[pioneer98]

Great News Foodies! The Easter Island Heads Are Starting To Mumble Delicious Recipes You Can Make At Home!

“If you’re a foodie, these are definitely recipes worth hearing,” added Madsen. “They’re quick, they’re healthy, and most importantly, they’re delicious!”

Dr. Madsen has stated that although the Easter Island heads will occasionally mumble the dates of historical disasters such as the sinking of the Titanic and the crashing of the Hindenburg, as well as future dates when terrible disasters as yet unknown will almost certainly occur, they are chiefly mumbling some of the most convenient and tastiest recipes around.

[pioneer98]

The 8 DUMBEST criminals of all time

Thought you knew dumb? This moron had to take care of his three brothers, and with no ability to make a living, he resorted to stealing cars. Next time, buy your own car, and then you won’t have to steal one, numbnuts!

[pioneer98]

Nation's gay straw men march on Washington for right to marry animals

[pioneer98]

WATCH: This guy had the perfect reaction to watching his favorite team lose

[haltz]

That led me to this, and I can't stop laughing:

[SHOW]

How Many Of These Classic ‘Peanuts’ Specials Have You Seen?



1. Check off all of the classic Peanuts specials you’ve watched!

It’s Thursday, Charlie Brown

The Storm’s A-Comin’, Charlie Brown

Have We Done An Arbor Day Special Yet, Charlie Brown?

Order The Flan, Charlie Brown

You’re Not A Natural Point Guard, Charlie Brown

It’s The Only Way Out, Charlie Brown

Your Teeth Are [expletive], Charlie Brown

This Prescription Should Have Lasted You Two More Weeks, Charlie Brown

Now I Am Become Death, Destroyer of Worlds, Charlie Brown

Your Toe’s A Goner, Charlie Brown

Kevin Spacey, Charlie Brown!

Never Leave This Cave, Charlie Brown

You’re Asleep, Charlie Brown

We Were Wrong To Think We Could Play God, Charlie Brown

Drink This, Charlie Brown

You’re Showering Too Much, Charlie Brown

Because Nobody Is Going To Pay For A Service That Delivers Coupons, Charlie Brown!

We’re All Friends With Your Dad, Charlie Brown

You’re Thinking Of Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Charlie Brown

Just Hold Me, Charlie Brown

The wrong to play god and Jeffrey Dean Morgan ones. Holy [expletive].

[pioneer98]

I liked the "This prescription..." one

[pioneer98]

The Onion's Person of the Year: (TIE) Malala Yousefzai and John Cena

[pioneer98]

Hahahahahahaha

I don't see race; I only see grayish-brown, vaguely humanoid shapes

I’m not saying this is an easy road to walk. In fact, in many respects, the way I see the world has made my life a living hell. I don’t know who anyone is. I have no way to tell where one person ends and another begins. I’ve been married for 13 years and I honestly do not know what race my husband is, let alone his gender. I assume he is alive, but there’s no actual proof of that. I have no clue what my children look like, or if I have children, or if they are dogs. The universe is a terrifying orchestra of matter and sound not tethered to any discernible reality. I am literally living in horror every moment of my life.

But you don’t see me rioting in the streets about it, do you?

[pioneer98]

Clickhole - Which Iraq War Are You?

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/which-ira ... ce=twitter