lukethedrifter wrote:I wish I had that sort of relationship with my pops. Oh well, you can't change history. That said, you guys have made me decide to call my brother and try to talk him into taking a trip down to Florida with me.
Isn't your stepmom the issue with visiting your dad?
Oh she's plenty nutty but I wouldn't let that keep me from visiting him. Some dads and sons just don't have that same closeness guys are talking about here. I dunno, hard to explain.
But now that you mention it, the dynamic between Dad and his wife does make for a very tense visit.
My dad is still the most important man in my life. But he is the kind of person you can't buy anything for (he has it if he wants it) and you can't impress him with much. All he wants is time or hand written cards/letters. And I suck at those things. I need to make spending time with him a bigger priority. When he loses his mind (which he will, he has early on set dementia, but is remarkably symptom free) I won't be able to go back in time and "make time".
docellis wrote:My dad is still the most important man in my life. But he is the kind of person you can't buy anything for (he has it if he wants it) and you can't impress him with much. All he wants is time or hand written cards/letters. And I suck at those things. I need to make spending time with him a bigger priority. When he loses his mind (which he will, he has early on set dementia, but is remarkably symptom free) I won't be able to go back in time and "make time".
Definitely do it when you can. I know it happens differently to different people but my Grandma had Alzheimers and when I left after winter break to go back to college one year she was Grandma and when I came home for spring break she was gone. She lived another 8 years but she was never herself again. I'd give anything to be able to go back before she had it really bad and tell her how much she meant to me.
With that said if/when your Dad does get back, keep talking to him like you always would have. Most times I didn't think my Grandma had a clue what was going on or being said but sometimes I'm pretty sure she did, even after she couldn't talk to us any more. I know she did the day my Grandpa died. We had her in the room with us and my Mom told her he was gone. The look on my Grandma's face was of complete shock. She knew, there's no doubt. She died less then a month later. So if it gets really tough for you and your family in the future keep in mind that your Dad may very well know what's going on around him.
lukethedrifter wrote:I wish I had that sort of relationship with my pops. Oh well, you can't change history. That said, you guys have made me decide to call my brother and try to talk him into taking a trip down to Florida with me.
lukethedrifter wrote:I wish I had that sort of relationship with my pops. Oh well, you can't change history. That said, you guys have made me decide to call my brother and try to talk him into taking a trip down to Florida with me.
Isn't your stepmom the issue with visiting your dad?
Oh she's plenty nutty but I wouldn't let that keep me from visiting him. Some dads and sons just don't have that same closeness guys are talking about here. I dunno, hard to explain.
But now that you mention it, the dynamic between Dad and his wife does make for a very tense visit.
That sums up the relationship I have with my father. He had no patience for me when I was younger, so I would avoid him wheneve possible. Hard to do much bonding with that kind dof relationship.
im lucky that i have a good relationship with my folks, in particular my father. ive always thought he was a good father AND dad. was able to balance those well. im the only child that lives in the same town so i see them a lot. typically do my laundry at their place after work on friday and have a drink with them and usually have sunday dinner with them too.
lukethedrifter wrote:I wish I had that sort of relationship with my pops. Oh well, you can't change history. That said, you guys have made me decide to call my brother and try to talk him into taking a trip down to Florida with me.
Isn't your stepmom the issue with visiting your dad?
Oh she's plenty nutty but I wouldn't let that keep me from visiting him. Some dads and sons just don't have that same closeness guys are talking about here. I dunno, hard to explain.
But now that you mention it, the dynamic between Dad and his wife does make for a very tense visit.
That sums up the relationship I have with my father. He had no patience for me when I was younger, so I would avoid him wheneve possible. Hard to do much bonding with that kind dof relationship.
Right. You can build a relationship but not that relationship.
I'll just say I've had a lot of opportunity to reflect on the kind of father I want to be to my son based on my experience in my own life. And not to put too much pressure on myself, but it is the most important thing I will likely wind up doing in my life.
No pressure, zeus. Just do 2 things. Be yourself and make spending time with him a priority. Being a father has been a wonderful experience and no doubt the most important aspect of my life.
I had to deal with a step-mother who made the relationship with Dad very difficult. Thankfully she eventually got so pissed at us she cut off all contact so for the last few years of his life I got to spend a lot of one-on-one time with him and became closer than ever before. He finally opened up about his WWII experiences and provided some real insight into the struggles it caused in his life (mainly during my childhood). I thank that evil woman every day for giving me those moments.
There are times when working with my dad drives me absolutely bat [expletive] crazy. It is also a strain on my relationship with my wife, that's more of a step mom issue though. But I can't immagine not seeing and working with him in a daily basis. He's lived longer then any male in our family in along time. Today's his 68th bday and my grandpa only made it to 63, longer then the mid fifties most in our family make it to. In the past year or so there have been quite a few healthy men dads age or younger that have had sudden heart attacks and died. That scares the crap out of me.
