Corporate Speak

[jim]

When you go study business at a business school and become a businessman then you can explain to me what it is.

I'm reminded of this skit:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/3526

"I'M A DIVISION MANAGER!"...

[JL21]

collaborative

The use of this, and "collaborate", has exploded in my workplace in the last year or two. It's out of control.

The latest one that drives me [expletive] insane is "bench strength". With every pointless new hire that my employer(s) make, they reference how much better our "bench strength" will be.

[jim]

collaborative

The use of this, and "collaborate", has exploded in my workplace in the last year or two. It's out of control.

The latest one that drives me [expletive] insane is "bench strength". With every pointless new hire that my employer(s) make, they reference how much better our "bench strength" will be.

I really can't take my job or career seriously. It's all silliness. I put on an acting job for the paycheck, but it's very hard at times. People talking like this make it very difficult.

[cardsfansince82]

I really don't think I could keep from laughing if people said stuff like bench strength with a straight face.

[Transmogrified Tiger]

"Please advise."

Also known by its long-form version, "I am wayyyy too important to have the common courtesy to ask an actual question and this thinly veiled demand underscores my inability to connect thoughts with the written word."

[jim]

I really don't think I could keep from laughing if people said stuff like bench strength with a straight face.

It can actually cause you to cry if you hear it enough. More than once I wonder How I ended up mortgaging my life for this.

[Radbird]

"On the bench"

It means you are out the door as soon as they can collaborate with HR and gain concurrence on the timing of the next resource action. In the meantime you may be called on to pinch hit from time to time but never in any high leverage situations.

[jim]

I know this is going to sound completely bizarre, but when I hear people talking and acting like this, I think back to a childrens book called The Little Prince. It's actually one of my favorite books of all time, it's meant for kids but it's one of those books with a pretty deep meaning. I didn't read it until I was in my 40's (I read the French version in a French language book club, I doubt I would have picked this one up on my own).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Prince

[JL21]

I really don't think I could keep from laughing if people said stuff like bench strength with a straight face.

I wish I could laugh in their face and shame them out of this behavior, but the person who usually says this is the head of my department.

Thankfully, everybody who knows her and meets her knows how full of [expletive] she is.

[jim]

jim's corollary to worker competence: The knowledge a person has of a job is inversely proportional to the amount of buzzwords and techno-babble used when discussing this job. If you can't explain what you are doing so that your grandmother understands it, then you don't understand what you are doing either.