Family

[docellis]

I am close to my family, I love them all. My sisters husband, my aunts, etc. I really care about them all.

My brother's wife, she was a mistake. She was 15 when she started dating him (he was 19). They got married, had two amazing kids. But that chick never grew up.

He has supported the family financially 100%, she has never contributed. She has never worked. She sleeps all day, has mental issues, and has tried to get disability.

The thing that is crazy, she has no education at all and has a 40k job on hold with a govt agency but she won't show up. Because it is govt, she has been stringing them along.

They are going to lose their home because she won't go to that job. His income is difficult to document, hers (if she would go to work) is not.

She thinks he should earn more. And she should not have to work. I want to kill her.

[Freed Roger]

sister in laws can be tough to handle, especially when you see them making your brother miserable. But he is her enabler, which is sad.

[docellis]

what should he do? divorce her? get less time with his kids? what is the right thing to do?

his kids babysitters have never met his wife.
his kids teachers have never met his wife.

she has never driven her kids to any kind of school or day care.

[MrCrowesGarden]

She sounds a lot like my (former) aunt. She married my uncle with the intention of divorcing him after my cousin grew up so she could get the house and money. Fortunately, a judge saw right through it, and she got the house until my cousin turned 18, then it went back to my uncle.

[Maclowery]

At least she isn't related to you by blood. I love my little brother. But he hasn't had a job in 4 freaking years, and my amazingly, awesome, supportive mother won't just hang him out to dry. She's supported him financially his whole life, so why would he change? ARgh. It's a terrible elephant in the corner every time I talk to my parents. They never mention him, I never ask, but I know the situation hasn't changed.

Is your sis-in-law at least raising the kids well? That's the important part. If she's a crappy mom on top of being a crappy worker and wife, then your brother should sever ties, in my opinion, for the good of the kiddos.

[Molly]

what should he do? divorce her? get less time with his kids? what is the right thing to do?

his kids babysitters have never met his wife.
his kids teachers have never met his wife.

she has never driven her kids to any kind of school or day care.

Yes, he should divorce her. Doesn't happen often but if can afford a cut throat lawyer and prove he is the more responsible of the two of them, he could get sole custody of his children.

[Radbird]

At least she isn't related to you by blood. I love my little brother. But he hasn't had a job in 4 freaking years, and my amazingly, awesome, supportive mother won't just hang him out to dry. She's supported him financially his whole life, so why would he change? ARgh. It's a terrible elephant in the corner every time I talk to my parents. They never mention him, I never ask, but I know the situation hasn't changed.

Is your sis-in-law at least raising the kids well? That's the important part. If she's a crappy mom on top of being a crappy worker and wife, then your brother should sever ties, in my opinion, for the good of the kiddos.

Speaking of blood, I love my little sister too, but she has many, many issues including hoarding. Now that our mom has Alzheimer's, sis has moved in with her to "take care of Mom". She's moved her family in since her house is wall-to-wall crap and she is starting to fill Mom's house. Her husband and four kids won't address the issue ("nobody's perfect but she has a heart of gold..."). Meanwhile our mother is living in ever-increasing filth. And she's paying herself ("I'm cheaper than a nursing home and provide better care") while using Mom's funds to pay for all of the bills.

We (the rest of the family) need to address it. With an immediate family of enablers surrounding and protecting her, doing so will cause a massive schism. And Mom will be angry and confused at all the chaos swirling around her (which sis will use to her advantage - "now see what you've done!!").

I guess the point of all this is to tell doc that doing the right thing is not easy but letting the situation fester by doing nothing is much harder (with far more sorrow and regret).

[Fat_Bulldog]

At least she isn't related to you by blood. I love my little brother. But he hasn't had a job in 4 freaking years, and my amazingly, awesome, supportive mother won't just hang him out to dry. She's supported him financially his whole life, so why would he change? ARgh. It's a terrible elephant in the corner every time I talk to my parents. They never mention him, I never ask, but I know the situation hasn't changed.

Is your sis-in-law at least raising the kids well? That's the important part. If she's a crappy mom on top of being a crappy worker and wife, then your brother should sever ties, in my opinion, for the good of the kiddos.

Speaking of blood, I love my little sister too, but she has many, many issues including hoarding. Now that our mom has Alzheimer's, sis has moved in with her to "take care of Mom". She's moved her family in since her house is wall-to-wall crap and she is starting to fill Mom's house. Her husband and four kids won't address the issue ("nobody's perfect but she has a heart of gold..."). Meanwhile our mother is living in ever-increasing filth. And she's paying herself ("I'm cheaper than a nursing home and provide better care") while using Mom's funds to pay for all of the bills.

We (the rest of the family) need to address it. With an immediate family of enablers surrounding and protecting her, doing so will cause a massive schism. And Mom will be angry and confused at all the chaos swirling around her (which sis will use to her advantage - "now see what you've done!!").

I guess the point of all this is to tell doc that doing the right thing is not easy but letting the situation fester by doing nothing is much harder (with far more sorrow and regret).

Very wise words.

[AWvsCBsteeeerike3]

I'm glad somebody finally made a thread about this [expletive].

Sorry to hear doc. I would hate to be your brother. It sounds like he needs to consult a lawyer. In an ideal world, he would 1. get full custody and 2. get alimony. If he could just get 1 and avoid having to pay her anything, sounds like he should do it...if that's what he wants. Love is a weird thing.

Also, ms. AW's mom is literally bat [expletive] cray. Cray. I'm not sure what it is technically called, alcoholism, narcissism combined with some sort of inability take any responsibility. Horrible. It was fine when she was living hundreds of miles away, but she recently moved (after getting fired from 3 different places and running out of places to work) of course in order to 'help us out because we need help' according to her. So, she rented this [expletive] hole apartment and promptly got drunk and fell down, breaking a bunch of bones and leaving her as helpless as AW jr. What a [expletive]. Then she starts getting mad because we're not taking good enough care of her. I think she's ready to retire, without any money, at the ripe age of like 50 and wants us to support her. I'm her retirement plan, I think. She says she'll get a job soon, but I doubt it.

[Freed Roger]

There's a dysfunctional situation in my family as well. Would take several pages to describe it.

we want to help our family that are trapped in awful relationships. I try to lighten the mood. Offer any outlet, and encouragement you can. But ultimately, it's up to them.