Rant: Shyness/Introversion

[Leroy]

I think I'd be what you'd consider shy. Which might seem odd because I've been performing in front of people since the age of six. If people would approach me, I'd be more than happy to talk, but I almost never approach someone else to talk to them. I hope and don't think I come off as aloof, but I might.
I think the biggest change for me was when unfortunately a partner passed away in a firm I was working for. Until that time, I was basically in a back office by myself, but after we lost him, I had to meet with clients all day during tax season. I gained a lot of confidence because I could tell people had confidence in me.
I am at least now comfortable in conversations with strangers, but still have that reluctance to approach strangers.
And as someone kind of said before, I'm much more of a listener than a talker. I'd prefer to just sit quietly in the corner and enjoy the interaction of others than to be right in the middle myself.
I think this has something to do with how I grew up. Our family is really pretty small, and when we'd visit extended family it was just us and maybe three or four other relatives. My wife was raised in a huge extended family that gets together every chance they get. When they do get together, to me it seems like chaos and makes me a bit uncomfortable, even though there aren't nicer people around. Really, if I'm with a couple of friends, I don't shut up, but if I'm around say thirty people, I pretty much clam up.
I'd much rather be more outgoing, but I've come to accept that I probably never will.

[Leroy]

The definition of extrovert vs. introvert, as I've heard it explained, actually seemed to have very little to do with comfort or ability to speak with people or crowds of people. Just that while the extrovert seems to feed off of and become more energetic with human interaction, the introvert tends to eventually drain of energy and will need time alone afterward to recharge. Many great comedians, entertainers, professors, etc. are introverts and it doesn't affect their work but after the day is over, the introvert prefers time alone, whereas the extrovert may be more comfortable being around other people.

One of the reasons I brought up a page or two ago the importance of finding someone compatible with your actual personality, rather than pretending to be someone you're not, is for this very reason. An extreme extrovert may really get fed up with an introvert, and vice versa. I really do think they tend to view the world quite differently in many cases.

First paragraph, I completely agree with.
Second, I'm not sure, I'll go back and reread. My wife is what I'd call an extreme people person. One of the reasons that works for us is that I'd consider myself the exact opposite. She is the icebreaker in almost all of our conversations, and once that ice is broken, then I'm fine.

[Richie Allen]

Second, I'm not sure, I'll go back and reread. My wife is what I'd call an extreme people person. One of the reasons that works for us is that I'd consider myself the exact opposite. She is the icebreaker in almost all of our conversations, and once that ice is broken, then I'm fine.

I wouldn't even go as far as to say it's a rule. If two people are in love and mature, not much will get in the way. If, however, the relationship is less than perfect, things like this can absolutely make it worse, in my opinion.

[heyzeus]

[cards2468]

Second, I'm not sure, I'll go back and reread. My wife is what I'd call an extreme people person. One of the reasons that works for us is that I'd consider myself the exact opposite. She is the icebreaker in almost all of our conversations, and once that ice is broken, then I'm fine.

I wouldn't even go as far as to say it's a rule. If two people are in love and mature, not much will get in the way. If, however, the relationship is less than perfect, things like this can absolutely make it worse, in my opinion.

I dated a girl who was a complete extrovert. Socially it worked out very well, similar to how Leroy describes, and I've also dated a girl who was an introvert similar to myself, and it bugged the hell out of me. Granted I never had big problems with her and the extrovert and I would get in shouting matches at least once a week...

[Richie Allen]

Second, I'm not sure, I'll go back and reread. My wife is what I'd call an extreme people person. One of the reasons that works for us is that I'd consider myself the exact opposite. She is the icebreaker in almost all of our conversations, and once that ice is broken, then I'm fine.

I wouldn't even go as far as to say it's a rule. If two people are in love and mature, not much will get in the way. If, however, the relationship is less than perfect, things like this can absolutely make it worse, in my opinion.

I dated a girl who was a complete extrovert. Socially it worked out very well, similar to how Leroy describes, and I've also dated a girl who was an introvert similar to myself, and it bugged the hell out of me. Granted I never had big problems with her and the extrovert and I would get in shouting matches at least once a week...

Everyone has their own needs. Are you saying you're better with an extrovert or that it doesn't matter? That it's a different case with each individual? Or that there are other far more important factors that determine compatibility? I wouldn't necessarily disagree if you did.

I was simply warning of the potential nagging wife: "Why can't ever you speak up?" "Why don't you ask him for a raise?" "Why don't you ever want to go out?" "Why does (extrovert) always get all the recognition?" Sure some are typical cliches and not exclusive to extroverted wives but I can almost guarantee there will be problems if your mate views your shyness as a flaw. Just as it might if one's extroversion is viewed as a flaw (embarrassing, overbearing, etc).

[cards2468]

Everyone has their own needs. Are you saying you're better with an extrovert or that it doesn't matter? That it's a different case with each individual? Or that there are other far more important factors that determine compatibility? I wouldn't necessarily disagree if you did.

I was simply warning of the potential nagging wife: "Why can't ever you speak up?" "Why don't you ask him for a raise?" "Why don't you ever want to go out?" "Why does (extrovert) always get all the recognition?" Sure some are typical cliches and not exclusive to extroverted wives but I can almost guarantee there will be problems if your mate views your shyness as a flaw. Just as it might if one's extroversion is viewed as a flaw (embarrassing, overbearing, etc).

I think an extrovert with an introvert can be an ideal combo, but there are definitely other things to consider. There are introverts that I can't hang out with because they're just too boring and there are extroverts I want to strangle because they don't shut the hell up. As an introvert who enjoys being social as long as I'm comfortable, I'd prefer to be with an extrovert. A lot of times I can feed off their energy and really contribute to a social setting.

[Freed Roger]

spoiler for size.

[SHOW]

I don't necessarily agree. I think it's extreme introversion that is being referred to (I have a soon to-be ex-sister in law that is that way). Some people can be introverted, recognize it and have learned how to work with it effectively.

[Arthur Dent]

That seems somewhat more extreme, what with the hamster ball and all that, but seems basically on target with my own experience. Not sure how recognizing ones own introversion would change the desire and need to recharge by existing in your own head

[The Third Man]

Still, it's pretty fair to say that this era does not favor the introverted/shy.

Has there ever been an era that favored people who couldn't talk to other people?

Yes, in eras where marriages and partnerships were arranged.

hahahahaha