GatewayRedbirds.com

Airports in general suck I think, but I have one that just sucks more than any of them. I'd like to hear which airports/airpoort stories to help me get over the shock of my recent escapade.

Charles de Gaulle in Paris. I've always found the shear size of it to be a problem, but coming home Saturday I literally lived that dream where you can't get to where you need to because of one ridiculous obstacle after another.

CDG is layed out with six terminals I believe, all of the US flights go out of "E" and all of the flights to/from other EU countries out of "F". Our flight from Milan was scheduled to to land at 12:00, and we had to catch a 1:15 flight to Chicago. Very tight.

So I kindly inform the stewardess of our schedule, and she moves us up to near the front of the plane so we can get off quickly (as bad as CDG is, I have found AirFrance to be awesome). I've done the E to F jump at CDG before, and didn't have huge problems so when our plane landed 5 minutes early I thought we would make it with time to spare. Here is where it gets fun...

The plane can't get a terminal, so it just dumps us off in some random place. Turns out this random place is somewhere around "F", where I need to be. But we can't just go in, we have to take the bus that is supposedly on it's way.

Bus delay - obstacle #1.

The bus arrives within 5 minutes, and we hop on and drive for what seems like literally miles complete with multiple turns, traffic jams with guys driving luggage carts around, etc...

Bus tour of CDG - obstacle #2.

Off the bus, and we walk for what seems like forever until we finally make it inside what I recognize to be the "F" terminal. We do carry-on only, and I'm lugging this big backpack/suitcase around on my shoulders and sweating like a pig by this point. I'm greeted with an astonishingly long line to get through customs and only one worker.

Customs not properly staffed - obstacle #3.

By now, I'm starting to wonder. What looked like a slam dunk getting to our plane now looks probable but not 100%. I've got us pegged at about 80%, and it's trending in the wrong direction. We get through customs and look for our gate - E67. We see a big sign, E67-E90 to the left. So we walk and walk and walk some more until the sign tells us to stand here and wait for a train.

E67 not really part of E, but on some remote island that requires a train to get to. YOU HAVE TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME? Now I'm thinking we are down to 50%, because time is a ticking.

Train ride required to get to E67 - obstacle #4.

Off the train, run through a maze of gates and overpasses and hallways and .... another long line. A really, really long line. Security. Understaffed of course, only 2 lines open.

Long security lines - obstacle #5.

Sigh. So I ask an employee if we can move up, showing him my ticket. He says no, wait in line.

Unsympathetic airport employees - obstacle #6.


And what a line this is, it just creeps and creeps along. After a few minutes, a girl goes up to the same employee we tried and shows him her ticket and gets escorted to the front of the line.

Butthole airport employees - obstacle #7.

As we are "on deck", it is now 1:05pm and I'm certain our plane is about to shut the doors. There is a German couple in front of us, and the women has enough liquid to blow two planes out of the sky. WTF LADY? NO FREAKING NEWS IN GERMANY THAT YOU CAN"T CARRY THAT *&^ ON THE PLANE WITH YOU? Seriously, among her carry-on was a couple of unmarked metal cans of something. You know what grape juice comes in and you have to puncture two holes in to get it to pour out? That size of cans. I am not making this up, these people held up security for a good five minutes.

Idiot travelers in security lines - obstacle #8.

Finally we are up, it's now 1:15 and our plane is scheduled to be taking off. We get our stuff through, and for some reason they take our passports from us and put them in the containers with your shoes etc... Well when the buckets come out, my wife can't find out where they put hers. It wasn't a long delay, but after finally getting to the last obstacle there was another 60 second delay because the moron put the passport in a pocket of her purse.

Losing stuff through the scanning machine - obstacle #9.

Now it's a free sprint to E67, and naturally it's like the last terminal you get to. You see E90 first, then there is E89, ....

Backward numbering system - obstacle #10.

But the plane was still there. The nightmare finally ended, and we arrived safe and sound.

So that's my airport story, I'm sure there are much worse but for about an hour it was the most frustrating experience of my life.

I feel your pain, Jim. Two airports in the states that come to mind are Boston and Atlanta. Boston airport is a nightmare to even drive to, then the fiasco inside, blech. Atlanta is also a pain to get to, their security lines suck (really? Only have 2 lines open on a weekend morning?), the security personnel are a-holes, if you return from Europe you have to go through customs, of course, once through customs you pick up your bag and take it to a belt which will take it to baggage claim or your next flight. You then have to go through another security line before getting on the tram which takes you to baggage claim or your next flight. So, people are trying to dig out their little plastic bags with the liquids.....folks who purchased alcohol from the duty free shop are screwed unless they can run back and grab their bag from the belt! This makes absolutely no sense to me.....if a person goes through security in Europe, they are deemed safe to get on a plane, why in the hell do they have to go through a security check point after arriving in Atlanta? Especially if they are leaving the airport? They really need to rethink and redesign this fiasco. I'd be livid if I purchased a $50 bottle of Scotch from duty free, delivered to me on the plane, only to be told by some security a-hole in Atlanta, AFTER I place my checked in luggage on the belt, that it exceeds the 3 oz. limit!

On the flip side, I had to fly to Iowa for a funeral....I cashed in miles, went from ATL to Memphis to Omaha. The Omaha airport is a breeze.....a couple of terminals with maybe 4 gates at each terminal....childs play. It was quite refreshing!

Munich airport is awesome...those folks have it planned out well, they know what they are doing, I've never had any problems there.

they are deemed safe to get on a plane, why in the hell do they have to go through a security check point after arriving in Atlanta

Exactly what I thought going through Paris. Going there, I was checked out in Chicago so why do I have to go through it again in Paris to get my connecting flight? Same on the way back.

CDG has to be the worst organized airport I ever have been to. We were so pissed at them the first time we flew into Lyon the next, that was so much easier. I am glad somebody had a good experience with Air France. They do not talk to Delta and we found out we didn't have assigned seats on our trip. There were six of us. 3 of us got to fly in first class, but they wouldn't let us switch halfway thru the flight to give the others their chance as space to sleep. Their agents at JFK were the worst...

That story was very well told.

Personally, I love airports.

CDG has a terrible lobby for entry and exit, but all-in-all I didn't think it was that bad of an airport. Simbagal is spot on with Atlanta and Boston, though.

Now Dallas is a nice airport. The terminals are a little outdated in areas, but it's one of the more spacious and well organized airports I've been through.

I quickly searched this page for the word "strike" and after returning no matches, I am baffled by your complaints of CDG. It looks like you actually chose one of the better weeks.

I approve of this rant.
We went thru CDG on our way to India last year and we werent equipped for the total lack of directions. I remember, my wife & I asked 5 different airport personnel the same question and we got 5 different answers. Subsequently, we missed our connection and after a 6 hour delay and hissy fits over not agreeing to fly to Shanghai or Singapore (just because we fly over India to get there), got routed thru Dubai, lost our bags (which never made out of CDG) and destoyed all our first weekend plans.

As busy as it is, I have no complaints on the Frankfurt airport.

CDG is a nightmare, no doubt about it.

Ever try to find your way around Heathrow? Another nightmare.

But on the bright side, Santa Barbara has a nice little airport with a decent Mexican cantina on the observation deck.

High Quality rant. I have always had my worst airport experiences at LAX varying from missed flights, lost luggage and a general attitude towards military travelers.

This was in the early '90's so the last part might have changed since then.