Camping, backpacking, hiking, et al

[lukethedrifter]

TEN EASY STEPS TO TIE YOUR FOOD UP IN A TREE

1. Put a rock into a Ziploc bag and tie bag to rope. Locate a tree with a suitable branch that will hold your food. (In many forests, all the conifer branches hang down.)

2. Try to fling bagged rock over branch and avoid hitting someone with rock, repeat as often as required. Find that Ziploc bag is not strong enough to hold rock securely.

3. (a.)​​Try tying rope directly to rock, when rock flies off, on the first swing, then…
try re-tying the rock more securely, and once again repeat as often as required.
(b.)​​Bandage head of kibitzing bystander. Try Step #3 (a.) again.

4. (a.)​​Divide food, trash and ‘smellables’ into two bags of even weight.
(b.)​​Tie one food sack to one end of rope and hoist it high into the air.
(c.)​​Discover your branch choice was a bit too flexible or not high enough.

5. Spend next hour finding a better branch. (Note to self: Start process earlier next time to avoid hunting for suitable tree branch in the dark) Re-fling rock over branch (Step #3. (a.) [Try to avoid Step #3. (b.)] ​Then repeat Step #4. (b.))

6. Tie second sack as high up on rope as possible. Discover the weight of each sack was not as even as you thought, untie bags and sort contents, repeat as needed.

7. Coil remaining rope and attach it to second sack. Send second sack up even higher, with a great fling. Observe that both sacks are now totally out of reach of the bears …and you.

8. Finally, go to bed and spend the entire night worried about your food, and jerking awake at every noise because you just KNOW that is the sound of your food being destroyed, because the National Park Service Ranger has told you that: “Hanging your food is not considered effective”.

9. When bears, mice, squirrels, chipmunks, porcupines, marmots, etc. or bad weather have destroyed your food, then gather the remains and the packaging trash and place the entire mess in a garbage bag and carry to the trailhead for proper disposal.

10. Buy new food locally (at outrageous prices) or cancel the rest of the backpack outing.


THREE STEPS TO USING A BEAR CANISTER

1. Put food, trash, and ‘smellables’ in the canister and secure lid.

2. Walk 50 feet outside of camp and put canister down.

3. In the morning walk 50 feet outside of camp, open top and get food. Secure lid.

[thrill]

Supplemental tip: Don't bring enough food for a week if you're going for a night. Maybe you don't need all the luxuries of your home pantry when you're out for a little solitude and nature therapy? That'll make bear-preparing your food store a lot easier.

[Jocephus]

[Freed Roger]

RE: Episode in SW MO back country camping where someone called the SWAT team on me ( with my then 8 yr old daughter and Big Galoot)

Trying to think what appearances of dysfunction triggered it (other than non-typical campers on an April weeknight in Winters Bone-land etc)

Racking my brain, one of a couple things I recalled was when trying to be a good boy scout hanging the food bag

I was thinking -this won't take long. Freedette back at the sight yells Daaaaaaaad! I ignore as I'm just. about. to get it. And fail. Then I untangle rope from the brush and start to -Daaaaaaaaddd! Me: Be back up there soon! Her: Daaaaaaddd!!!!
Me failing again GDI What!!!!!

[Freed Roger]

Supplemental tip: Don't bring enough food for a week if you're going for a night. Maybe you don't need all the luxuries of your home pantry when you're out for a little solitude and nature therapy? That'll make bear-preparing your food store a lot easier.

Yeah. For a night or 2 the tendency is to bring way too much food. Becomes a burden/obligation.

I mean yeah, how often are you actually wilderness camping, unable to fill your gut for the night at the Iron Mule etc or with Hunt Bros CStore pizza if you're desperate. And beer is filling. Get what you need there.

On contrary, when I'm driving somewhere on road trip, I will pack some sandwiches rather than endure some of these ff stops. It is amazing how slow and [expletive] they can be. Legrands. They shrink wrap the Legend. You never have too many Legends packed.
-----
Boundary Waters trip, the traditional outfitter setup isn't ultralite. Odd for me since I hadn't camped maximalist style in a while (when not car camping.) Having a steak , eggs, bacon for a few days was kind of nice. But [expletive] if I want to do dishes, even though you have time for it.
Eating fish, good to play dumb and let the boy scout that gets off on doing them up filet and cook em up.

Granted, it all depends on what your out there to experience and who you are with.

[thrill]

Eating fish, good to play dumb and let the boy scout that gets off on doing them up filet and cook em up.

This got a legit lol from me at my desk.

[Freed Roger]

Was swapping trail stories with a guy from California that had a doozy.

He was out on a long trail run with friends (can't remember where - San Jacinto iirc). They ran into a guy that was acting weird in a beat down quiet sort of way. The guy had no gear or anything with him and was miles from any sort of trailhead.

Took awhile to get this guy to come around. They gave him some of their energy gels and water and could tell he hadn't eaten in awhile by the way he inhaled it.
When asked where his gear was etc, the dude told them his story - He had went up a mountain and took a bunch of pills to kill himself. But they didnt do the task, possible threw some of them up.

Then the guy decided that if he hiked around exposed and depleted himself, then pills may still work.

Then he decided he wanted to live, but had nothing and was lost. Anyways, they helped this guy back to civilization and he is well, they still friends on social media.

[Swirls]

Oy. That is a doozy.

[thrill]

Grimacing emoji face

[Freed Roger]

Sad news from the Ozarks. The Dairy Shack in Eminence burnt down.