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Zeus,
With all sincerity, my heart goes out to you. I lost my mom in 2014 and my dad in 2016 and that reality is still difficult to deal with.

Take care of yourself, your family and play with your kids!!!!

Incredible reflection Zeus and thanks for sharing. Best wishes to you and your family.

Zeus, truly sorry to hear the prognosis is worse than you were expecting. Times like this are always trying, and often it is equally hard on the loved ones. When my grandpa was fighting cancer, one day, he basically just said, "Nope. Not doing any more treatments. What happens happens." Which was very difficult for my mom and her siblings at first. But, we all cherished the remaining time with him that much more.

One thing I've come to realize that's really helped me with a lot of my personal relationships is we really can't change people. And, while we influence our children's world views and behavior (hopefully, ha), it's unrealistic to think we can successfully change or influence how our elders behave. Nor is it our duty to do so. They are who they are. They raised us and, I'm sure like me, you're eternally grateful for what your dad has done for you.

That doesn't mean you have to condone some of his actions/beliefs/ideas as they certainly don't represent you. All you can do is be true to yourself and your beliefs. I'd guess that means a ton of respect him for what he's done and love for him for being your father.

AWvsCBsteeeerike3 wrote:
One thing I've come to realize that's really helped me with a lot of my personal relationships is we really can't change people. And, while we influence our children's world views and behavior (hopefully, ha), it's unrealistic to think we can successfully change or influence how our elders behave. Nor is it our duty to do so. They are who they are. They raised us and, I'm sure like me, you're eternally grateful for what your dad has done for you.

That doesn't mean you have to condone some of his actions/beliefs/ideas as they certainly don't represent you. All you can do is be true to yourself and your beliefs. I'd guess that means a ton of respect him for what he's done and love for him for being your father.

This is a great thought, and I thank you for it, and I'm going to reflect on it and try to abide by this idea.

Don’t want to sidetrack things but not all parents deserve respect and love. And if it isn’t within you to give it to them, you shouldn’t feel bad about it.

Freed Roger wrote:Incredible reflection Zeus and thanks for sharing. Best wishes to you and your family.

++

lukethedrifter wrote:Don’t want to sidetrack things but not all parents deserve respect and love. And if it isn’t within you to give it to them, you shouldn’t feel bad about it.

Along those lines, not all people who have died do either. Someone dies and all the sudden they are a saint. My wife's father has a headstone not far from my grandparents. Someone bothers to decorate it and keep it clean. I just want to go engrave on it "this son of a [expletive] doesn't deserve this, and it's too bad he didn't die sooner."

Let me start by saying that the surgical team at the BJC Siteman cancer center are brave, unflappable heroes. I'm in awe of what they can do, and in a permanent debt and gratitude to them. I'll tell them in person next week. Apparently the surgery they undertook on my dad yesterday was simply not even attempted 10 years ago. The cancer would have been a death sentence just that short a time ago.

My dad was in surgery for about 9 hours yesterday. They removed his stomach and some of his esophagus, recreated the latter using some piece of intestine, and stitched the whole digestive tract back together. My dad is 72 and has a heart condition, so all the while they are keeping his heart rate and blood pressure controlled. They removed all of the cancer, and as of this morning, he's back to consciousness.

The state of modern medicine is simply stunning. I'm kind of overwhelmed today. Recovery is going to be long and painful, but the doctors expect it will be successful.

Thanks, GRB friends, for your kind words in this thread.

Awesome news!

That is great to hear!