GatewayRedbirds.com

Item #54-1623164 Monogrammed Steak Brand

Williams-Sonoma says: "Put your initials on your grilled masterpieces."

Price: $39.95

Notes: It's bad enough that the poor cow takes a frat house iron to the ass before being led to slaughter, but now you gotta sign your steak, too? This is what I want to do, and tell me if I'm going overboard here: I want to brand a cow, kill that cow, cook a steak from its carcass, BRAND the steak, serve the steak at a party so that people know it's mine even though they already saw me grilling it, and then I want to eat the steak, [expletive] it out, BRAND my [expletive] with some kind of forged iron [expletive] brand, and mail that turd to the cow's children. You will fear the initials DM, children. They will live in your night terrors.