GatewayRedbirds.com

lukethedrifter wrote:you guys aren't being superfun

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You hate to let a gossip column get to you, but it can ruin your entire day. You don't even want to finish your wheatgrass smoothie and turkey bacon, it's so upsetting.

And don't even think about smelling my shoes while you're in there. Boone Logan and I have reached an understanding about that kind of behavior, and as he'll tell you, I don't allow it.

No matter how hard I try to make any new woman in my life feel special, and I'm not saying there is a new woman in my life, they're always going to feel some pressure to live up to the weight of my staggering romantic history. It's insane who I've dated, to be totally honest. So I really don't appreciate the tabloids adding to that pressure with their intrusive speculation about whether or not we're in a relationship.

Someone hacked the Yankees' Facebook page. "We regret to inform our fans that Derek Jeter will miss the rest of the season with sexual reassignment surgery. He promises to come back stronger than ever in 2013 as Minnie Mantlez." Real funny. Couple things:

(1) Obviously not true. You hate to even address something this silly, but sometimes you have to set the record straight so that you're not getting worried phone calls from your parents that lead to some very weird and uncomfortable conversations.
(2) If I were to undergo sexual reassignment surgery, I would never do it during the season and leave my team in the lurch like that. I mean, come on. It should be obvious I'd delay resolving any kind of personal identity struggle, no matter how painful, until the end of the playoffs.
(3) I'd never take the name "Minnie Mantlez." Doesn't Denise Jeter seem like a much more logical one? I might even go with Winnie Winfield, since Big Dave was my favorite player growing up and there was a real elegance to everything he did. Whoever was responsible for this hacking didn't put a lot of effort into researching which legend I might want to celebrate if I were to ever switch genders. Nothing against The Mick, who was a truly great Yankee, that's just not a very good name choice for me.
(4) "Dereka" has a nice ring to it, though, now that I think about it. Kind of exotic.

You have to wonder if Page Six was involved somehow. Privacy, man.