The Official WTF Thread

[Hungary Jack]

One of the more recent Groupons I have received for a massage (I think):

Massage therapy is among the best ways to achieve relaxation, on a par with listening to actor Ed Harris chant in whale song...The modality necessitates that staffers vacillate among kneading, rolling, and pressing motions to calm aching muscles and jump-start circulation before swaddling feet in hot towels...Treatments take place in a medical-spa space carefully designed to ease stressed-out psyches and lull twitchy bodies into blissful torpor. Exposed brick and hardwood floors evoke domestic relaxation, and soothing earth tones and comfy chairs relax waiting-room-bound guests and take the sting out of mistaking new-patient forms for unusually relevant crosswords.

Who the hell writes these things?

[Cole Burns]

One of the more recent Groupons I have received for a massage (I think):

Massage therapy is among the best ways to achieve relaxation, on a par with listening to actor Ed Harris chant in whale song...The modality necessitates that staffers vacillate among kneading, rolling, and pressing motions to calm aching muscles and jump-start circulation before swaddling feet in hot towels...Treatments take place in a medical-spa space carefully designed to ease stressed-out psyches and lull twitchy bodies into blissful torpor. Exposed brick and hardwood floors evoke domestic relaxation, and soothing earth tones and comfy chairs relax waiting-room-bound guests and take the sting out of mistaking new-patient forms for unusually relevant crosswords.

Who the hell writes these things?

People like me.

[Hungary Jack]

One of the more recent Groupons I have received for a massage (I think):

Massage therapy is among the best ways to achieve relaxation, on a par with listening to actor Ed Harris chant in whale song...The modality necessitates that staffers vacillate among kneading, rolling, and pressing motions to calm aching muscles and jump-start circulation before swaddling feet in hot towels...Treatments take place in a medical-spa space carefully designed to ease stressed-out psyches and lull twitchy bodies into blissful torpor. Exposed brick and hardwood floors evoke domestic relaxation, and soothing earth tones and comfy chairs relax waiting-room-bound guests and take the sting out of mistaking new-patient forms for unusually relevant crosswords.

Who the hell writes these things?

People like me.

Do you mistake new patient forms for unusually relevant crosswords?

[G. Keenan]

One of the more recent Groupons I have received for a massage (I think):

Massage therapy is among the best ways to achieve relaxation, on a par with listening to actor Ed Harris chant in whale song...The modality necessitates that staffers vacillate among kneading, rolling, and pressing motions to calm aching muscles and jump-start circulation before swaddling feet in hot towels...Treatments take place in a medical-spa space carefully designed to ease stressed-out psyches and lull twitchy bodies into blissful torpor. Exposed brick and hardwood floors evoke domestic relaxation, and soothing earth tones and comfy chairs relax waiting-room-bound guests and take the sting out of mistaking new-patient forms for unusually relevant crosswords.

Who the hell writes these things?

Jaded freelancers.

[AdmiralKird]

http://www.hulu.com/watch/330221/the-da ... -rejection

[ghostrunner]

http://www.hulu.com/watch/330221/the-da ... -rejection

CNBC seems like a big collection of douchey weirdos.

[Hungary Jack]

One of the more recent Groupons I have received for a massage (I think):

Massage therapy is among the best ways to achieve relaxation, on a par with listening to actor Ed Harris chant in whale song...The modality necessitates that staffers vacillate among kneading, rolling, and pressing motions to calm aching muscles and jump-start circulation before swaddling feet in hot towels...Treatments take place in a medical-spa space carefully designed to ease stressed-out psyches and lull twitchy bodies into blissful torpor. Exposed brick and hardwood floors evoke domestic relaxation, and soothing earth tones and comfy chairs relax waiting-room-bound guests and take the sting out of mistaking new-patient forms for unusually relevant crosswords.

Who the hell writes these things?

Jaded freelancers.

How can one be jaded with Ed Harris chanting whale song?

[sighyoung]

One of the more recent Groupons I have received for a massage (I think):

Massage therapy is among the best ways to achieve relaxation, on a par with listening to actor Ed Harris chant in whale song...The modality necessitates that staffers vacillate among kneading, rolling, and pressing motions to calm aching muscles and jump-start circulation before swaddling feet in hot towels...Treatments take place in a medical-spa space carefully designed to ease stressed-out psyches and lull twitchy bodies into blissful torpor. Exposed brick and hardwood floors evoke domestic relaxation, and soothing earth tones and comfy chairs relax waiting-room-bound guests and take the sting out of mistaking new-patient forms for unusually relevant crosswords.

Who the hell writes these things?

Jaded freelancers.

How can one be jaded with Ed Harris chanting whale song?

I'm assuming that the text, if read aloud phonetically in Croatian, says something like, "Oh, most fantastically bloated douchebag, I spit upon the pubic hairs of your female descendants for the next sixty generations as I seethe with the anger of a genealogical tree weighed down with the ripening fruit of proletarian anger, watching and waiting for the moment when claws shall spring forth from my fingernails, and like some crazed prehistoric mammal predator avenging the loss of its brutally slaughtered cubs, I rip the entrails out of you, wrap your intestines around my neck, and vogue like RuPaul across the frozen tundra."

[sighyoung]

[/youtube]

[AdmiralKird]

That wasn't half bad. More like SuperhappyfunTyson